This location is being monitored and recorded for your safety and convenience. Thank you for shopping at Family Dollar General Tree.
This is where we work. We would rather you stay away but Corporate needs you here. You are a number. Corporate requires numbers and we require Corporate. You require our stock and our stock is required on shelves. We receive performance reviews based on how well we move the shelves’ stock straight from Corporate. Maybe we’ll get a raise. Who knows? Corporate needs to calculate the numbers first. They will give you what they say you want, and we want it too, but first we’d better stock the shelves.
Don’t steal. Don’t loiter. Just buy something and leave. We couldn’t imagine why you’d want to loiter here anyhow. Didn’t you hear the announcement when you walked in the door? They are watching us and we are not a corner store, though Corporate insists that we project our pride in being as convenient as one. We display this pride via our khakis and our collared shirts, the shirts are embroidered with a stylish and discreet company logo. Our first of these shirts is generously donated by Corporate, and so we launder these shirts with care using Tide with Bleach Alternative, the finest detergent according to our circular. In the event of eventual desaturating, wrinkling, or frumpiness of the garment, Corporate will generously deduct ten nontaxable dollars from our paycheck for a crisp replacement- a convenient arrangement, as one would expect from such convenient stores.
We find ourselves in a closed circuit, the infinite loop of Uroboros reflecting the illusion of inexhaustible resources, which we assume everyday by walking through the magnetic theft prevention system. Regional nuances are observed; for what would New Orleans be without the fleur de lis? However this is secondary to Corporate’s goal. Thusly, our primary spectacle is the brands we are built upon, and the waste built upon that.
Thank you for shopping at Family Dollar General Tree. Have a nice day.
—Clark Allen and Bob Snead